RELATIONSHIP: Unrequited Love kills faster than Cancer

When you think all if fine - but when not — *When you think all is fine – but when not.*

A famous musician known as Passenger has his latest single “let her go” and in one of the lines goes like “If you know you love her then you let her go”. This song hits right to the people with unrequited love.

This is when you love someone and they do not love you back and this kills faster than any disease I know.

Many people today are faced with unrequited love even without them knowing and this usually happens sometimes because of the other person or themselves.

Unrequited love has many forms and here are a few of them;

OBSERVING FROM A FAR

You know this one. You’re head over heels for someone who doesn’t even know your name. Or perhaps you’re madly in love with a friend or acquaintance who is, for one reason or another, completely unattainable. I’d like to believe this only happens in movies but unfortunately our minds are powerful, powerful tools; if we want something bad enough, we don’t need much to go on in order to believe someone is within reach.

THE REPEAT OFFENDER

This happens to people who are dumped and they do not move on thinking that the other person will come back to them. This form happens to people because they like waiting around for those people to come back to them.

TELLING THE PERSON UPFRONT

This one is perhaps one of the most relatable: you gather up the balls to express your undying devotion—or mere attraction—to this person o

nly to get rejected with the standard, “Oh you’re sweet…, but you’re not really my type.” Or the worse, “But we’re such good friends, I couldn’t.” What sets you apart from the rest of the world is that you don’t just walk away in defeat and go for your next potential obsession; you wallow in misery and refuse to accept rejection.

WISHFUL THINKING

This is the devil. There are a few stages of denial: Your friends could lay out a list of reasons why you need to move on and you would remain there, glossy eyed and oblivious. That’s the worst stage and it needs the most intervention. The lesser and more common stage is when you’re completely aware of every single reason you need to stop loving the person, yet you simply can’t and you don’t know why. I’ll tell you why. It’s because deep inside, small and buried away, is the last ray of wishful thinking.

OUR EGO

You’d never admit it, but deep inside you’re wondering, “How can this person not see how much of a catch I am?” You can’t help but wonder what he sees in his new lover. This way of thinking is pretty harmless. In fact, having an ego about the situation can usually result in you realizing you’re too good to endure such pain and rejection. However, it takes nothing more than a little push and bam.

HERE ARE THE STEPS ONE CAN TAKE TO GET OVER UNREQUITED LOVE

STEP 1

Acknowledge how you are feeling within an appropriate time frame. Denying that you are hurt won’t help, but neither will remaining in a continual pity party. This frame of time is different for each person. Allow yourself to grieve. Talk to those who care for you or with a counselor if you wish. Sooner or later, decide to stop dwelling on your emotions.

STEP 2: Refocus yourself. This is how you can stop dwelling on your emotions. When you feel yourself dwelling on your emotional pain, remind yourself that you eventually will feel better. Get up and physically involve yourself in an activity that demands your complete attention.

STEP 3:Think logically about your future. Just because one person doesn’t love you back doesn’t mean that you won’t find another wonderful person who will adore you. Your happiness doesn’t have to hinge on one person.

STEP 4: Maintain social contacts. Whether you get together with family and friends or go on dates, it’s important to maintain positive social connections. Too much alone time may cause you to dwell on your situation too frequently.

STEP 5: Discontinue all contact with the person you love if necessary. If they want to be friends, but it rips your heart out to be around them, then don’t subject yourself to that kind of pain. You may be able to tolerate casual interactions in the future, but you might need a little distance at first while you are getting yourself back together.

STEP 6:Seek medical and professional help if necessary. If you are trying to stop loving someone after the breakup of a relationship, you may be more likely to become depressed. According to Statistics Canada, individuals who have experienced the breakup of a marriage are more likely to become depressed. If you have pervasive feelings of sadness along with changes in your eating and sleeping habits, lack of interest in activities that you once enjoyed, fatigue, unexplained medical problems, and memory and concentration problems, contact your physician. You may be able to benefit from medication and counseling to help you get through the process of ceasing to love someone. If you have suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately.

STEP 7: Exercise patience with yourself. Learning to stop loving someone may take a while, and you will have good and bad days. Remind yourself that letting go of the relationship is a process and that you will get through it successfully in time.

STEP 8: Distance yourself. You won’t want to, but staying close to someone you want but can’t have just isn’t healthy. Don’t tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise. Just try to get away for a while. Don’t call them, don’t go places where you know they frequently visit, and make yourself scarce.

STEP 9: Love Yourself

Love yourself, no matter what they say. Love your personality, respect yourself, accept yourself as you are – the all-sufficient and really cool person. This is the best medicine from all mental troubles!

STEP 10: Go on a Date

We realize the last thing you want to do when you’re crushing on someone is to go out with other people but it’s exactly what you need to do! If you suspect or know for a fact that the love is not mutual, staying at home moping around what would’ve been isn’t doing you any good. Get out there and try to live your life in full! Ask a friend or a colleague you’d like to get to know better out for coffee or dinner to a new restaurant you’ve been meaning to try. You know you’re not ready for a relationship, so the pressure that this person could be ‘the one’ is off the table right off the bat, upping your chances on having a great time and possibly making an amazing friend in the process.

These steps help you get over the love and become a better person and a person who loves your life more than any other person.