DATING: When I recite this love letter, I do not blame Jacobs for what happened

The single mum’s lens Part 3- Jacobs’ letter: Spoken words can be adulterated, they can be inflated and sliced; but not so with written words. They sound new every time you read them. You hear the author’s voice and tone; stronger than when he is seated right next to you.

I keep Jacob’s letter to me in the middle of my Bible. My sixth sense said I would need it when the rains stop. It told me that if I used it as my Bible’s book-mark, all the hate feelings I bore in my heart would melt away like ghee under the sun. It wouldn’t necessarily disappear, but at least, it would no longer be so solid.

When I recite this letter, I do not entirely blame Jacobs for what happened. Perhaps I am arrogant, like my friends say. Or maybe he was being selfish and defensive as I believe, I do not know. What matters most is that I am gracefully crossing each bridge I get to.

“Mary Ann,

It is depressing that we have reached this point where I write to you through your friend. I still cannot understand why we cannot meet and talk about this.

Ever since you found out that you were carrying my child, you got cold towards me. You treated me like a stranger, and frustrated my every effort to show you that I care. You took it all upon yourself, like the child is yours alone.

How do you expect me to be the kind of father you want when you cannot give me a chance to be him? You made it feel like it was my fault that you got pregnant, yet it is not. We share the responsibility and I cannot deny it. Why do you treat me like the villain?

You tell my friends that I walked away from you yet you know that is not true. We both allowed ourselves into this situation knowing well that I was married. Right from day one, I made it clear that I loved my wife and two kids, and would not let anything get in the way of their happiness.

Was it wrong for me to suggest an abortion? You said you wouldn’t settle as a second wife and I thought that would sort us out. But even when you refused to do it, I understood. Mary, was I in wrong to suggest that you go and live with my parents in Bushenyi? What else would I have done? At least they would understand that I have a second wife. You know I could not let my wife know about us.

You rejected both my offers and instead demanded that I go with your u and explain it to your parents. I did not want to be the man who spoils your education. How did you expect a married man to meet your parents?

You are a young girl, so full of life. It was not hard to get your life back. We could have deleted that baby and life would go on normally. But now that you refused to go and live with my parents, I cannot be held responsible for whatever will happen.

I cannot rent you a room because I do not want to be held responsible for whatever happens to you when you are living there alone, especially in this condition. I do not even want to imagine what people will say when they see me coming to visit a pregnant girl yet I am married. You know I left Mbarara and my wife’s friends and family can see me coming to your place. Kampala is not a very big town. I love my family too much to risk losing it.

Mary you know I loved you, maybe I still love you; but I cannot stay with you anymore. Things were not supposed to turn out this way. You should have been responsible enough to avoid getting pregnant. At least that is how most of the girls survive in this city.

Because I asked you to I’ve me time to think about this situation, you concluded that I abandoned you. So be it! I do not want you to come running to me when life fails. After all, you are not incapacitated; you can still make a life for yourself. Put want you have been learning at campus to use, or better still, find a business to do. I can raise for you half of the money.

God knows I am not being selfish, I am simply acting in the best interests of my family and my reputation. If you cannot go and live with my parents until you put to bed, then I am so sorry for you because I cannot support two homes and have you as the third.

If ever you decide to go to Bushenyi, give me a call and we shall talk. Less of that, we have no business negotiating about anything. I know you are brilliant and hard-working, I am sure you will make it in life.